Witchboard

by Mike McGranaghan

It’s hard to overstate just what a colossal disappointment Witchboard is. This reimagining of the 1986 cult classic was directed by Chuck Russell, whose previous films include the terrific 1988 remake of The Blob and A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors, i.e. the best entry in that franchise. Having him put a modern spin on the idea sounds great on the surface. Regrettably, the movie is laborious and not even remotely creepy.

The central figures are Emily (Madison Iseman) and her fiancée Christian (Aaron Dominguez). They’re about to open a restaurant in New Orleans. During a trip into the woods to find mushrooms, Emily stumbles across a strange-looking spirit board, which she thinks would make a fine addition to the restaurant’s décor. Christian’s ex-girlfriend Brooke (Melanie Jarnsen) knows what it is and shows Emily how to use it. In so doing, an evil witch named Naga Soth (Antonia Desplat) is unleashed, leading to bloody mayhem.

Sounds pretty straightforward, right? Yes, it does, until you consider how meandering Witchboard can be. Significant time is spent depicting the couple’s efforts to launch the restaurant. There’s also material about Emily’s history of drug abuse and Brooke’s possible desire to steal Christian back. Worst of all is the appearance of Alexander Babtiste (Jamie Campbell Bower), an occult expert who claims he wants to help Emily but really has sinister motives. This particular element is painfully silly, especially since Bower gives an over-the-top performance that proves distracting.

Compounding these matters is the fact that the movie is overlong at 112 minutes. The pace drags badly much of the time. A story like this needs to keep you tense from start to finish, not bore you in between jolts. Thin characterization doesn’t help because when the plot isn’t focused on the board, there’s not much to hold our interest. Flashbacks explaining the history of Naga Soth, meanwhile, are fairly cliched and therefore less than enthralling.

Madison Iseman is appealing despite the weak material, and the gore scenes are effectively gruesome. Too bad there aren’t more of them. Nobody will ever call the original Witchboard a great film, but as a shocker, it’s definitely more satisfying than this pale remake.

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