Red One

by Mike McGranaghan

Red One perfectly encapsulates everything Hollywood does wrong these days. It’s clear the movie was created to be a CHRISTMAS BLOCKBUSTER that could be sequel-ized to death rather than from any legitimate creative impulse. Loud, stupid, and filled with ugly CGI, this big-budget disaster feels like the product of an algorithm designed to determine what mass audiences want. Surprise, surprise – that quality deprives it of a soul. When The Best Christmas Pageant Ever is out there winning over audiences with its heartwarming Christmas spirit, this dud seems even more lame.

The plot concerns the kidnapping of Santa Claus (a nicely cast J.K. Simmons) by a witch named Gryka (Kiernan Shipka) on Christmas Eve. She has a plan to utilize his powers for her own devious purposes. Santa’s bodyguard, Callum Drift (Dwayne Johnson), launches into action to rescue him, with the forced cooperation of master tracker Jack O’Malley (Chris Evans). Jack is an absentee father to a young son, and you can easily guess how that arc plays out.

The big idea in Red One is to have elaborate action sequences designed around yuletide standards. There’s a scene where Callum and Jack fight gigantic snowmen. The North Pole becomes the setting for a massive snowmobile chase. A climactic fight takes place on Santa’s sleigh. Worst of all is a long, boring section in which the guys invade the castle of Krampus (Kristofer Hivju), who forces Callum to take part in a slap fight. This comes on top of the not-as-clever-as-they-seem concepts like Callum being able to make toys life-sized and functional.

Director Jake Kasdan began his career making delightfully quirky comedies like Zero Effect and Orange County. These days, he’s a leading purveyor of bombastic excess, having also made the two FX-laden Jumanji pictures. He and Fast & Furious writer Chris Morgan – together with Johnson, who produced – seem to be of the mindset that the more chaotic the movie is, the more audiences will love it. Christmas is not, however, about chases and explosions and fistfights. It’s about time spent with loved ones and fostering a sense of peace on Earth. Red One’s half-hearted effort to include a touch of sentimentality in the subplot about Jack and his son is wildly out of place with the over-the-top mayhem. No amount of Christmas references or Mariah Carey songs on the soundtrack can give the film anything approaching a genuine yuletide feel.

Pleasures to be found are scarce. Simmons is reliably good as the bulked-up Santa, and Evans tosses off a few mildly amusing sarcastic remarks. Otherwise, the performances miss the mark. Johnson falls back on his routine tough-guy persona, Shipka plays Gryka as too campy to be threatening, and Bonnie Hunt is completely wasted as Mrs. Claus. Lucy Liu is on board, as well, playing the head of M.O.R.A., the Mythological Oversight and Restoration Authority (i.e. Callum’s boss). She makes no impression whatsoever.

From start to finish, Red One plays like corporate-designed product. There is no magic, no sense of wonder. Christmas is used as a gimmick, not an inspiration. A Christmas movie is supposed to fill viewers with cheer, right? Audiences are more likely to walk away from this unimaginative bomb filled with cynicism.

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