Pitfall

by Mike McGranaghan

Despite decent production values and a few impressively gnarly kills, Pitfall is one of the more unpleasant horror movies of the year. It revolves around two adult siblings, Scott (Marshall Williams) and Ashley (Alexandra Essoe), who have grown apart ever since the tragic deaths of their parents. They agree to put their differences on the backburner long enough to go on a three-day hike in the woods with their respective partners, as well as sarcastic friend Lars (Final Destination Bloodlines’s Richard Harmon).

The trip is soured when Scott falls down a massive hole with spikes at the bottom. That hole was created by the Hunter (Randy Couture), a maniac who has jerry-rigged the entire forest with sadistic traps. Why? So we can enjoy the sight of people being killed in gruesome manners, of course. (An explanation for his malice is suggested at the end, but it’s laughable.) The others try to find and rescue Scott while avoiding the Hunter.

Pitfall is a film that would have benefitted from judicious editing. Scenes go on way too long in many cases; in others, what we’re seeing simply isn’t necessary. There’s a recurring bit in which the injured Scott hallucinates that he’s talking to himself, a subplot about Scott and Ashley fighting because they grieve for their parents in different ways, and another subplot about Ashley being pregnant and her boyfriend not knowing. In addition to all that, the plot keeps halting the main action to show the Hunter killing other people unrelated to the central characters. Director James Kondelik seems a little too in love with his own material, rendering him unable to create a taut pace. This is especially true during the endless finale.

Beyond that, there isn’t a whole lot of imagination on display. The Hunter is a generic unstoppable killing machine with no personality. He somehow always knows right where to be in order to terrorize his victims. Clichés familiar with “killer in the woods” horror are abundant, including the last shot, which is exactly the trope you think it is. Dialogue is typically inane, too. If I had a dollar for every time the characters called the Hunter a certain 12-letter word that starts with “mother,” I could probably buy a yacht.

Pictures of this sort rely on gory kills. I will concede that Pitfall’s are nasty to the appropriate degree. Visual effects used to pull them off look realistic, creating a few undeniably squirmy moments. Otherwise, the film is overlong and too unwieldy to be scary. Jason Voorhees has nothing to worry about.