Pets on a Train

by Mike McGranaghan

Is it a sin in today’s world to call a family film “cute”? Kids are pretty sophisticated these days. They’re growing up watching movies that work overtime to be “awesome,” or “lit,” movies that “slap” or “slay.” Maybe “cute” isn’t considered to be an enticing descriptor anymore. There is, however, no better terminology to describe Pets on a Train, a cheery, good-natured animated feature that will offer younger viewers a fun time and hold the attention of their parents, too.

The main character is a racoon named Falcon (it’s a long story) who routinely steals food to feed other ownerless animals. He’s got a plan to rob a train that has lots of goodies in its kitchen. Once on board, Falcon encounters a bunch of animals who are caged up for transportation, including a cat named Maggie, a police dog called Rex, several birds, a turtle, a fish, a snake, etc. An old enemy of Rex’s seeks revenge, so he takes control of the train remotely, first removing the human passengers, then sending it barreling down the tracks at a dangerous speed. Falcon leads the others in trying to find a way to stop the locomotive before it crashes into something or derails.

With its premise established, Pets on a Train morphs into a kid-friendly action picture with lots of humor. The animals face a series of obstacles, from a partially ablaze train car to a rickety bridge that won’t hold the speeding train’s weight. Falcon predictably goes under the cars at one point, on top of them at another. When a hole is blown through the side of a car, the pets must traverse a makeshift walkway to get from one side to the other. The danger is never presented in a truly scary way; it’s played more for excitement.

Adults will appreciate the not-so-subtle spoofing of action cinema. Falcon is this movie’s version of Tom Cruise in the Mission: Impossible series, almost effortlessly triumphing over each new peril. Directors Benoît Daffis and Jean-Christian Tassy even toss in visual references to the Sylvester Stallone movies Demolition Man and Cobra for mom and dad to giggle at.

Funny scenes are scattered throughout the film. The personalities of the animals are across-the-board quirky, with jokes built around their particular behaviors. A chihuahua’s hyperactivity and a turtle’s timidity are among the sources of comedy. While I often groan at the obligatory poop joke in animated fare, I must admit the pigeon-related gag here did make me laugh.

Pets on a Train isn’t as visually elaborate as your typical Pixar or DreamWorks movie, but it is pleasant to look at. The storytelling isn’t as deep either. The pace is zippy, though, meaning children won’t easily grow bored, and the action/humor combination keeps things lively. Nobody is ever going to call this a classic. Cute, on the other hand, kind of perfectly sums it up.

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