Old Guy

by Mike McGranaghan

Quentin Tarantino needs to make another movie, if only to save Christoph Waltz from having to appear in stuff like Old Guy. On the surface, the film sounds terrific, as it pairs the two-time Oscar winner with Lucy Liu, who’s coming off a career-best performance in Presence, and Cooper Hoffman, who had a major breakout with Licorice Pizza. Sitting in the director’s chair is Simon West, the man who helmed Con Air and Lara Croft: Tomb Raider. The pedigree may be impressive, but the result is bland and unsatisfying.

Waltz is Danny Dolinski, a highly skilled assassin who recently had joint fusion surgery that threatens to end his career. When he’s assigned to train young up-and-comer Wihlborg (Hoffman), Dolinski sees an opportunity to prove his worth by taking over the job they’re supposed to carry out. The men head to Belfast, with Dolinski’s friend Anata (Liu) inexplicably in tow. Long story short, everything gets screwed up, leading the killers to get caught in the middle of a war among crime syndicates.

The central joke in Old Guy is that Dolinski doesn’t act his age, so he unconsciously believes that he isn’t pushing senior status. Waltz is certainly game to play the character, dancing to electronic music at a rave and bedding decades-younger women. He’s good, as is Hoffman, with whom he strikes up amusing adversarial banter.

What hurts the picture is a fundamental uncertainty about what it wants to do. We’re supposed to care about whether Dolinski and Wihlborg can finagle their way out of trouble as the walls close in on them, but it’s never entirely clear who their employer is or why their victims have been targeted for death. Considering the entire third act hinges on the conflict between international agencies, the lack of specific information is puzzling. Even worse, a subplot involving Anata’s efforts to date is intrusive. I’m not sure why this section is in the movie, as it serves no purpose whatsoever. The character is underdeveloped, and her personal life holds no real bearing on anything else.

Old Guy pulls off a couple decent sequences of suspense, most notably one where the assassins try to prevent a little girl from realizing her father is about to be offed. As far as the outright action scenes, their execution is disappointing. You won’t find any legitimate thrills here, despite a fair amount of bloody violence. The film is oddly muted in that respect. West has demonstrated a past ability to generate visceral excitement onscreen, yet he’s neglectful this time around.

The best parts of the picture zero in on the age gap between Dolinski and Wihlborg. Some of the dialogue is kind of funny, and the male leads deliver it nicely. Beyond that, Old Guy is, like it’s central figure, a relic of days gone by, unable to keep pace with current trends in action cinema.

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