The Aisle Seat Blog

I'll admit that I enjoy making fun of all things "Twilight." I often make comments (in jest) that I know will rankle all my adult female friends who are as obsessed with Stephenie Meyer's novels (and the two movie adaptations) as the young girls at whom the series is aimed. It started out as a joke: ha ha, I'm a guy and I don't get it, ha ha. Then it morphed into simply being amused by the offended reactions I would get. In fairness to myself, I've made these jokes with friends who completely get my sense of humor and know that I am not really being condescending.

For example, yesterday morning I was making my weekly appearance on a local radio morning show, discussing the new films opening this weekend. New Moon was, of course, on that list. Knowing that the female co-host of the show (and a longtime personal friend) was a "Twilight" fan, I referred to it as "the phenomenon that has turned millions of teenage girls into raving lunatics." Her response was, "It has not!" I quickly replied with, "Yes it has," and moved on to the next thing. We all had a good laugh about it as soon as the microphones were off.
 
Then today I posted what I thought was a ridiculous Facebook status update, knowing that all my "Twilight"-loving friends would see it, chuckle, and make some smart-ass comment back to me. When I walked away from the computer, I started to think about what I'd written. That's when it dawned on me: That wasn't just a snarky little comment after all. It was kind of true. This realization disturbed me a bit, and also put its finger on what I think I have subconsciously resisted about the whole "Twilight" sensation thus far. Here's what I wrote:

"If Edward Cullen is hundreds of years old, and Bella is a teenager, then doesn't that make him a borderline pedophile for dating her?"
 
Stop and think about it for just a second. The books (and their subsequent movie adaptations) have made a big deal about the fact that the vampire Edward has been around for hundreds of years. Bella is seventeen when they meet. We therefore are left with a radically age-imbalanced relationship. Forget that Edward is several hundred years old. Reduce his age to, say, sixty. If a sixty year-old man was dating a teenager, what would you think of that? Would you think he was a pervert? Because I sure would. Would you read and cherish a novel that asked you not only to condone this relationship but also to hold it up as a thing of beauty? As far as I know, no one has ever walked around wearing a T-shirt that read "Team Humbert Humbert," and there are no fawning websites devoted to the "perfect romance" of Nabokov's "Lolita."
 
I know what some of you may be thinking: Edward was turned into a vampire at a young age, and so he remains that age for eternity. Perhaps that is so; nevertheless, age is ultimately about much more than physical appearance. Age is about experience and evolution. We grow old not simply by how our appearance deteriorates. It's not just about gray hair, and failing eyesight, and loss of hearing, and brittle bones. We grow old because we are literally around longer, able to go places, do things, and experience the world - and its remarkable cultural, technological, and political changes - to a greater degree.

Edward Cullen has totally done all of these things, and that makes him substantially older than Bella, in both the developmental and emotional senses. There is a scene in New Moon (and it's probably in the book too, although I wouldn't know since I didn't read it) where Edward is in English class and the teacher thinks he is not paying attention. He puts Edward on the spot, asking him to recite a monologue from "Romeo and Juliet." The vampire does it perfectly from memory. The joke of the scene is that we know Edward has been through school multiple times over the centuries. Bella, on the other hand, is here for the first time. A man who has already completed his schooling is far "older" than a girl who is still in the midst of it.
 
Consider as well the fact that Edward must have been romantically and/or sexually involved with other women over the course of his long undead existence. (Whether or not he admits that to Bella is another matter.) He is therefore more experienced than the virgin Bella. Edward is often shown agonizing over whether or not to "drink her blood." Taken in this line of interpretation, one could reasonably suggest that Edward is, in reality, fighting off the urge to molest this beautiful, much younger, much less worldly girl. His holding back is an acknowledgement that his deepest, strongest, most passionately held desires are wrong in the eyes of society.

So many women and girls I know refer to this saga as a "beautiful love story." They swoon over Edward and fantasize about finding a man just like him. More than once, I have heard him described as the "perfect man." Are these females in essence saying that they yearn for a man to take advantage of them, to strip them of their innocence prematurely? To exploit their naiveté? To overstep a societal/legal boundary in the name of "true love"? If Edward really is a dirty old man who wants date and possibly have his way with a teenage girl, how can he possibly be a symbol of male perfection? Personally, I think the dude is a sicko.

Now, in fairness, I'm 100% certain that Stephenie Meyer did not intend for her story to be a celebration of pedophilia. "Twilight" is obviously a metaphorical story about teen chastity and the pull between wanting to lose one's virginity and the fear of what that action will bring. There is another way to read this story, however, and the fact that it wasn't intentional does not invalidate it. When you get to the heart of things, the "Twilight" saga is, in some ways, a very creepy story about an old man's attempts to exploit a young girl for his own pleasure, and a young girl who is willing to let him do it. There's nothing "beautiful" about that.

Posted by aisleseat at 04:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (12) | TrackBacks (0)

Paranormal Activity is the out-of-nowhere movie sensation of 2009. I love when a little film manages to break through just on the sheer force of invention and imagination. In a time when it seems like most hit movies are "packaged" to the hilt, it's reassuring to know that audiences will still respond to a good, well-executed concept, even if the picture has no stars.

But what is it about this particular film that has allowed it to jump to the top of the box office charts when so many low-budget, independently-financed features are lucky to even get a marginal DVD release? Surely the clever (anti-)marketing campaign from Paramount helped, as did the fact that Paranormal Activity is genuinely scary. However, I think there's another reason this movie is striking a chord: many of us have experienced something unexplained in our lives. That includes me. I've never discussed this publicly, but now seems like the time.

Let me preface by saying that I do not believe in ghosts. Never have. Nor do I believe in UFOs, Bigfoot, or the Loch Ness Monster. When it comes to paranormal stuff, I've always found it fascinating simply because I believe in it. If "Ghost Hunters" is on TV, I will totally stop and watch, just to once again see them fail to gather any definitive proof of the supernatural. Nevertheless, I once witnessed something for which I have no rational or logical explanation - something that creeps me out to this day.

It was late winter 1989. I was a college student coming home for the weekend. My parents made themselves scarce so three of my still-in-high-school friends could come over. It was one other guy and two girls. (I won't name names, as I have not asked any of them for permission to tell this tale.) One of the females was developing something of an interest in the paranormal and had subsequently been fooling around with a Ouija board. On several occasions, she had told me about her communications with a spirit through the board. Yeah, right was my oft-repeated response. So what does she do? She shows up at my house with the board in tow, of course.

I took this as my opportunity to cry foul once and for all. I made my friends, whom I trusted completely, solemnly promise not to do anything to fake or cheat. That was my stipulation for participating. They agreed. Lights were turned out. A candle was lit. The four of us sat around the board and very lightly put our fingertips on the pointer. My friend summoned the spirit she'd allegedly been talking to.

At first, it was easy to believe that the pointer's movement was unconsciously directed by us. Someone asked if the spirit was angry, and the pointer moved to the YES space on the board. Other questions, which I no longer remember, were asked; somehow it was determined that this particular spirit was the ghost of an aborted baby. When asked where it was at the current moment, the spirit "told" us that it was in the bathroom. Somehow - and I really wish I could remember the precipitating context here - the phrase "Satan's earwax" was presented to us.

Honestly, I wasn't buying a minute of this. While I trusted my friends not to cheat, it was pretty clear that this interaction was incredibly silly (Satan's earwax?! Come on!). More likely than not it was nothing other than four kids creeping themselves out.

And then it happened.

The pointer started making a figure-8 on the board, slowly at first and then more rapidly. It began going so fast that I was having trouble keeping my fingertips on it. My natural assumption was that one person in the group was simply moving it faster than the others - except that I noticed everyone having trouble keeping their fingertips on it. The pointer went so fast that none of us could keep up. Then, suddenly, the thing violently flew off the board and across the room.

Everyone was stunned. What remained unspoken was the fact that if someone had intentionally flung the pointer, it would be obvious; we all would have seen one person flick their wrists pretty noticeably in order to achieve the kind of force that propelled it across the room. That didn't happen. And everyone was surprised when it took place.

Do I believe that we were in communication with a ghost or, worse, a demon of some sort? No, I do not. That said, to this day, I cannot explain how this happened. I wouldn't know where to start. That was the last time I touched a Ouiji board, and I have no intention of ever touching one again. There is memorable sequence in Paranormal Activity that deals with a Ouiji board. As you can imagine, I found this particular scene to be especially disturbing.

Over the years, I have talked to others who have seen or experienced unexplainable stuff. It happens. Maybe the reasons are simple and we just never know them. Regardless, we experience these things deeply. Paranormal Activity may be a fantasy, but on some level, it still seems oddly, uncomfortably identifiable.

 

Posted by aisleseat at 10:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)